BiblioAddict

I was torn on whether or not to write this post since most people haven’t seen “The Golden Compass” film yet, and won’t see it for another week. But I just couldn’t help myself. I was steaming mad when I came out of this movie. It’s my own fault really. I called it when I said the movie wouldn’t live up to the book. But I’d hoped, I’d hoped that I would be pleasantly surprised. What’s that saying about hope? I don’t know – I can’t remember because I’m so steaming mad.

Before I continue, let me say that if you plan to see this movie and don’t want your fresh viewing spoiled by a bad review, leave now. Come back later so you can say, “Yeah! What was up with that?” For the rest of you, let me show you the ways a movie with so much promise can fall so flat. I warn you, colorful language might follow.

Let us begin with the minor quibbles (if you want to call it that – some of you might think otherwise). Somebody please get me the name and the address of the idiot who decided that having Ian McKellan do the voice of Iorek was a good idea. It wasn’t. Iorek is supposed to be a fierce, moody, unpredictable warrior bear. It was disconcerting, to say the least, to hear Gandolf every time he opened his mouth. When I hear McKlellan’s voice I think of an old powerful man getting ready to dispense a bit of wisdom. I don’t think, “Oh man, I wouldn’t want to cross that bear.” The producers of “The Golden Compass” didn’t think that having such a well-known actor (especially in the fantasy genre) do the voice of Iofer would be distracting? Or did they think, “Hey, once they hear Gandolf in the movie, they’ll have to love it!” Not so. I loved when Iofur talked in the book. Since he did it so rarely, you knew that when he did talk it was because he had something important to say. In the movie, every time he opened his mouth, I got distracted and wanted him off the screen as soon as possible.

Now on to the big stuff. I have never seen a more rushed movie in my life. Even people who’d never read the book thought that it was rushed (I overheard people talking afterwards). It was stupidly condensed and terribly edited. I know somebody at New Line Cinema knows what character development is. They did that quite well with “Lord of the Rings” so I know somebody can do it. Unfortunately that single person didn’t work on “The Golden Compass.”

Daniel Craig’s character Lord Asriel is on and off the screen so quickly you barely even see him. He scolds Lyra in the beginning, somewhere in the middle he fights (in a completely contrived scene), and you never see him again. That’s right, you never see him again. But wait, you’re probably thinking, he’s in the end; he plays a major role in the end. In the end of the book, you mean. In the movie, there is no end. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

I was talking about how rushed and stupidly condensed the movie was. Let me give you an example of what I mean: Lyra is sailing with the Gyptians on her way to the North when the witch Serafina Pekkala lands on the ship.

They talk for a bit before Serafina says something like,

“Do you have the truth teller?”
“Yes,” says Lyra.
“I’d like to see you read it,” Ms. Pekkala says.
“What shall I ask it?”
“I’d like you tell me which one these men on this ship was my lover.”

Eh? How random is that? So random that the people in the row behind me snickered around a “What?”

I gets better. So Lyra reads the compass and sees that Father Coram was Serafina’s lover. Serafina’s response? “I loved him for he was young and beautiful then.”

And why is that relevant here? This is the first time we even hear of Serafina’s character and viewers have no idea at this point that she has anything whatsoever to do with Father Coram. But apparently, in the movie witches just like putting their business out there like that. Telling it to random children no less.

And for some unfathomable reason they chose to switch scenes around. When Lyra is kidnapped by the raiders up North, they take her not to the compound where the children are being held, but to Svalbard, the bear kingdom. While there, she meets the bear king, she tricks him, and the fight between between “Iofur” and Iorek commences. And that’s another thing. You may have noticed that I put quotation marks around Iofur. That’s because for some unfathomable reason they called him Ragnar in the movie. WTF? Why? What did the producers think, “So many Io’s…the viewers will get confused. We gotta do something about this.” I mean, really? Come on.

And here’s another thing: You know Billy, the Gyptian kid? The one Lyra rescues and reunites with his family? Well ole Billy ain’t so lucky in this movie. He gets reunited with his family all right, but unfortunately he’s the kid who’s found in the shed without his daemon. The one who dies. But don’t worry, Billy doesn’t die. He’s just…confused. And you never see him again. Which is too bad really because Billy was most likable character in the movie. If you ask me, the actors who played Billy and Roger should have been switched, but I won’t quibble there. Especially since there are much juicier morsels to chew on.

Like how they made the battle at Bolvangar, the experimentation facility, the final battle of the film. Sure it’s a great fight and all, but there’s a much better one at the end of the book. Oh but wait, I guess that doesn’t count since it’s not in the film at all. SPOILER AHEAD:

This is how the movie ends: They fight at Bolvangar. Then Lyra, Roger, Iorek, and Lee Scoresby escape in the balloon, Lyra pledges to save the world, and the movie goes off. That’s right. It goes off. There’s no meeting between Lyra and her father, there’s no bridge to the city in the dust, there’s no tragic death. There’s none of that.

I understand the producers wanting to leave the movie on a cliff-hanger but the ending in the book is cliff-hanger enough! And a much better one, I might add.

So. I was not pleased. Not pleased at all. And I haven’t even touched on half the things that bothered me about this movie. I want to erase this film from my mind. But that’s what I get for going to see the film adaptation so soon after having finished the book. It’s my fault. I should have known better. New Line Cinema hasn’t decided yet whether it will make a second movie. I say don’t. Let it alone. But, if they do they won’t be getting my ten bucks again. I’ll use it to buy the book.